Mindfulleigh Mental

Years ago you asked me for closure, and I gave you the version of closure I had the capacity for at the time. Sometimes I feel the concept of closure is one between us and God because though we crave the concept of closure, it can be challenging to receive the coveted closure we envision. Here’s my current attempt at closure.

First things first, I know now that I am not polyamorous, though I may be platonically polyamorous-ISH (more on that another time). I didn’t know that until after I accepted the invitation to be in our relationship, and I didn’t realize it was all too fast for me until after the fact.

That being said, I am sorry I didn’t communicate my confusion about what it meant to be with a committed couple for the first time and I didn’t communicate my need for clarification. ClearLEIGH, my clear communication clearly was capable of being clearer. Consequently, I hurt you. I know me choosing to be in our relationship whilst being confused caused continued confusion, and I know the choice to end our relationship impacted you. I know it triggered your wound of abandonment, and was the exact opposite wound either of us wanted to activate. I am sorry I misinterpreted our last intimate morning together as an act of love for both of us, and I wish I had attuned to your feelings more. I’m sorry I didn’t.

If I could’ve known and communicated what I was feeling more clearly, I don’t know that pain would’ve been avoided completely, though it could’ve been a different and potentially lesser pain.

Even amidst the apologies, I feel having boundaries based on what you expressed years ago, means not being friends.

I’m so sorry, and I hope that’s closer to the closure you needed. If not, “Draft Two” is on the horizon of the mind.

ApologeticalLEIGH,

Ashleigh